Miliband going round saying he ‘could totally have’ Cameron

by philapilus

“I could basically be in UFC”

Ed Miliband has been walking round like a puffed-up pigeon and asking girls if they want to feel his biceps, after David Cameron today ruled out taking him on in a one-on-one.

The Labour leader said “Dave is well-scared. I was all like ‘Come on then; let’s have it!’, and he was all like ‘Um…oh…I’m not free that day, um…I’ve got a note from my mum… please don’t hurt me!’

“It’s cos he knows how well hard I am. Do you want to see how fast I can kick? Look, I’ll show you… oh, normally my shoe stays on. I mustn’t have laced it up properly.”

The Prime Minister however retorted that Ed is “A little tosspot who’s so weedy that it’s simply not worth my time to destroy him. Anyway, I’ll probably get expelled if I fight because I’m so dangerous. Most of my moves are illegal.”

Cameron insists that a televised debate ahead of the General Election can only be meaningful if every single party in Britain has at least seven members present, and preferably with the sound switched off, which has led to accusations that he is running scared from a confrontation.

The leader of the UK’s third party, Nigel Farage smashed his glass on the bar, spat out his fag and shouted “I’ll take ’em both on!” but just then a black person walked past, and he had to run and hide in the pub toilets.

Deputy PM, Nick whatever-his-name-is, tried to say that he would be more than happy to take on Ed Miliband in front of everyone, but unfortunately a small gust of wind blew him away.

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