Natalie Bennett wins private bet for longest ever “Errrrm”

by philapilus
File:Natalie Bennett.jpg

There was a worrying moment halfway through when it seemed the sound might mutate into an ‘ummmm’, but she pulled it back marvellously.

The leader of the Green Party was jubilant today, after winning a jackpot of £15.37 for using the word “Erm” continuously for almost ten minutes.

Natalie Bennett was interviewed by Nick Ferrari for LBC Radio, and when asked how the Greens would fund their promised 500,000 new homes, Bennett launched into an epic “Errrrrrrrrrrrrm…” that Ferrari was powerless to interrupt.

Bennett explained after the interview “Caroline Lucas and Amelia Womack bet me all the change they had in their pockets that I wasn’t brave enough to do it. They were convinced I’d bottle it, and start using words, or even start explaining our policies and answering questions.

“Lucas was all like ‘No way, Nat; you wouldn’t – not on our manifesto launch day! I know you’re Krazy with a capital K, but even you wouldn’t dare!’ so I said ‘Watch this’, went in and gave it my all.

“I was very nervous, and kept breaking wind, but fortunately even my farts smell green – sort of like peas – so it was ok.”

As well as the financial reward, which was more than £15.25 and only a bit less than £15.40, Bennett has broken the world record for the longest ever “Erm”.

The previous holder, Professor Stephen Hawking, had managed 8 1/2 minutes after someone accidentally left their drink on his speech-generating device at a party, but Bennett thrashed this record by more than a minute.

Green activist Samantha Furcup said “Obviously Natalie’s so-called ‘car crash’ interview has completely distracted all media focus away from the party’s policies. Which is brilliant, because frankly they are all either unrealistic, unaffordable, or completely shit.”

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