Oscars 2015: Douglas Hurd ‘Surprised but delighted’ with Best Director Gong

by philapilus



Oddie missed his night of glory, having been refused entry to the ceremony after turning up pissed in a Hawaiian shirt

Lord Douglas Hurd expressed astonishment at his “completely unexpected” Oscars win last night, for directorial debut ‘Birdman’, his fictionalised account of the life of Bill Oddie.

Unable to attend the ceremony because of onerous government duties in Westminster, Hurd’s acceptance speech was read out by avid twitcher and bearhunter, Chris Packham.

“Douglas says; ‘I never thought for a moment that the biggest film award ceremony in the world would show such interest in the life of a former Goodie, but am humbled and deeply honoured by this very prestigious award. Shits all over Obama’s Nobel, doesn’t it?!'” read Packham, before breaking into a rendition of Bill Oddie’s musical hit, the Funky Gibbon.

The big Red Carpet night saw other surprises, with industry favourites like ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ pipped to the Best Film post by romcom ‘My Best Friend’s Whacky Dad’s Wedding Hangover Lampoon’s Holiday’, starring Chevy Chase and Judi Dench.

Both Benedict Cumberbatch and Eddie Redmayne were passed over for the Best Actor award, which to everyone’s surprise went to Shia LaBeouf, “For his outstanding portrayal of a hateful little shit, not just in films but all the fucking time.”

Best Actress initially went to Julianne Moore, but with a scream of rage Meryl Streep bounded out of the audience and punched Moore in the head repeatedly until she gave up the statuette.

“Let me make this clear to all you other bitches out there,” shouted a triumphant Streep “These. Are. Mine. Last year, this year, next year, every year.

“You do NOT want to fuck with me on this.”

Other awards:

Best depiction of a furry little hobbit: Bill Oddie in Birdman

Best film about a fire-breathing dragon and some dwarves: The Theory of Everything

Best robot in a feature film: Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything

Best film about a hotel in Mitteleuropa: Fawlty Towers

Best cinematography: John Major for Nymphomaniac


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