Jon Snow “became burglar to support drugs habit”

by philapilus
File:Jon Snow.jpg

Snow toking on a disguised bong. Note how out of focus the drugs make him appear

Veteran newsreader Jon Snow was arrested by police this morning, after being discovered apparently  burgling the house of Sir Trevor McDonald.

Snow recently participated in a medical trial smoking skunk for a Channel 4 documentary, and subsequently graduated from the potent cannabis to crack, and then heroin, in the space of twenty minutes.

A police spokesman said “As we all know, using any form of drug whatsoever immediately leads to using all of the others, selling your body to fat truck drivers, and then robbing your friends and family to support your habit. All within 72 hours.

“Mr Snow is lucky we caught him before he ended up drowned in a pool of his own vomit in Tower Hamlets.”

C4 apologised to ITN’s Sir Trevor for inadvertently setting Snow on the path to burglary, and have also indicated that Snow may well be responsible for recent burglaries at the London properties of Moira Stewart, Michael Buerk, Cathy Newman, and Krishnan Guru-Murthy.

Samantha Furcup, who works for a drug rehabilitation centre, said “Skunk is a very dangerous drug, and it’s good that Channel 4 have made the programme.

“However, it’s frustrating that the media won’t put the same amount of effort into raising awareness of alcoholism as they do other drugs. Alcoholism accounts for an insanely high level of fatalities, crime statistics, and public health costs, yet every time anyone tries to bring it up they get cut off mid-senten-”

But heavy drinker, Vera Cockroach, said “Drinink and drugs aren’t even compar’ble, right? If you take drugs you’re a crimiminal, but if you like a little tiny drink, thass fine! So what if we alc’olics sometimes do a bit of vomit on the street, smash windows, piss ourselves publicly, attack strangers or…wha’ we talkin’ about?

“Who are you? Wanna fight?!”

 

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