People who complain about American intervention demand American intervention

by philapilus
File:Angela Merkel 2 Hamburg.jpg

“Merkel ought to get Obama’s bloodlust up: imagine Ann Diamond arriving on your doorstep – and she’s still not forgiven you for tapping her phone”

People unencumbered with brainpower who have spent years telling everyone how terrible the USA is, have decided it would be really good if America could wipe out IS and/or Russia as soon as possible.

Former ‘Anti-Yank’ Tim Twanks said “For years my friends and I have sat around at dinner parties, having lengthy conversations about the evils of the American military-industrial complex, and complaining about how the entire population of the imperialist US is basically either rich and evil, or stupid and poor.

“We all nod sagely and say things like ‘Ah, remember Nicaragua’.

“But now that Russia has gone all World War III, and ISIS is killing people in Paris, I am – quite literally – soiling myself on a daily basis. Why isn’t America doing something about all this?”

Fellow dinner party enthusiast, Samantha Furcup, said “I am beginning to rethink the ardent socialism I profess during the cheese and nuts course, and am starting to wonder if there’s isn’t something about American capitalism that is really, really bloody good. So, um, sorry America. Please do your brilliant, big blowing-things-up thing.”

But CIA spokesman, Adam Spoke, said “Gosh, this is embarrassing. We can’t really do anything about Russia. And, um, the same kinda goes for ISIS. It’s all very well saying stand up against the powerful to protect the weak, but if they’re really powerful, the American public tends to get a bit jumpy.

“Basically all that ‘going round bullying small countries and robbing the world’ you’ve been accusing us of; that’s the bit we’re good at.

“After the colossal clusterfuck that has been Iraq and Afghanistan, we’re thinking of maybe just looking the other way and humming quite loudly.

“The world’s only hope is that in order to fuck over his Republican successors, Obama goes apeshit on the enemies of democracy. So really it’s just about pissing him off as much as possible. Which is probably why Europe have sent Angela Merkel over today.”

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