Publishers hoping To Kill a Mockingbird sequel will feature wizards and vampires

by philapilus
File:Atticus and Tom Robinson in court.gif

“Maybe Atticus Finch has given up the unprofitable underdog lawsuits, and now runs a Secret Service school for turning delinquent kids into superspies? And his best friend is a giant robot.”

Publishers waiting to get their hands on Harper Lee’s manuscript Go Set A Watchman, said today they are hoping it will be very much in keeping with the current zeitgeist, with a plot that brings together wizards, angry dwarves, and a love triangle between a werewolf, a vampire and a zombie.

According to a spokesman for HarperCollins; “The sequel, which was actually written at the same time as To Kill A Mockingbird, will ideally continue the story of the impetuous Jean Louise ‘Scout’ Finch, and follow her enrolling in Pigverrucas School of Wizardry, battling other children as part of a cruel bloodsport ritual in a mechanized gamezone, and then setting off to kill a dragon with her two proto-goth lovers. Who are both undead. And very short.

“It’s possible we might have to tweak it a teensy-weensy bit.”

HarperCollins, who will make a fortune, flatly deny the suggestion that the great author is being coerced into selling a substandard book by jackal-agents now that her protective sister is dead. Newspapers desperate for salacious stories, however, strongly suggest that the great author is being coerced into selling a substandard book by jackal-agents now that her protective sister is dead.

But Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of American Literature, said “They’re both wrong. Or possibly both right. Who cares? The main thing from their point of view is that everyone makes lots of money.

“But there’s a glimmer of hope. Even if it is an unedited first effort, lacking in finesse, and without the intellectual weight of her earlier masterpiece, it was still written by Harper Lee. She’s a fucking genius. It’s still going to be better than most of the shit we read now, isn’t it?”

 

 

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