Fatties celebrate news that ‘jogging is bad for you’

by philapilus

Bit overweight? Well whatever you do, do NOT start exercising

A paper published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology has claimed that too much jogging is bad for you — news which has delighted large people everywhere.Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough College of Sloth, wheezed “Those of us who have trouble getting through doorways are feeling extremely smug today.

“Finally we have a put down for all those joggers who smirk at our girth as they pass: ‘enjoy your heart attack, fitboy!’

“The rotund shall inherit the Earth! No longer will we be mocked! Gone are the days when they call us lardarse, fatty mcfatterson, wide load, tons of fun, Mr Blobby, the nemesis of chairs, blubber-boy, rhino-butt and brontosaurus-belly.”

However, the report’s author, Dr Foster from Gloucester, said “What we’re saying is that too much strenuous exercise can cut years off your life. The point is not that you should avoid all exercise, just that you should do it in moderation.

“No one should take this as an indication that slouching on a couch eating crisps and drinking a whole 2 litre-bottle of Fanta every hour is good for you.”

But large commedienne Dawn French (who isn’t funny, so we’ll just say ‘large Dawn French’), said “Ahh, now for hours of eating Wotsits and drinking Fanta whilst lounging on the sofa. After all, it’s good for me!”

 

 

 

 

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