WW1 soldiers ‘melodramatic pansies’ over gas attacks

by philapilus

“Well they can still bloody walk can’t they? What are they complaining about??”

The BBC has claimed that during the First World War soldiers fighting in the trenches were “A bunch of screaming pansies” when it came to poison gas.

In an article on its website celebrating the centenary of the first major gas attack, journalist Stanley Aubergine said “Basically, if you read over the evidence, these so-called ‘men’ were quaking in their boots as the green deadly vapour rolled unstoppably over the blood-soaked earth towards them.

“Our farmboys and factory workers should really have shown a bit more backbone, and not been so pathetically terrified at the spectral sight of gas blotting out the sun, and descending amongst them to extinguish all life, like the cloak of the Angel of Death. Bunch of pussies.”

The article goes on to point out that infantrymen were likely to panic about gas, just because they had heard it had suffocated their comrades, and left the flesh covered in blisters and sores.

“The generals wouldn’t have stampeded like cattle,” said Aubergine, “If anyone had gassed the large houses they occupied twenty miles behind the lines, they’d have jolly-well done their duty and stood to attention with barely a cough as their lungs were completely destroyed.”

Pip Pipeline, a plumber from Plumstead, said “My grandfather was killed in a gas attack. I always saw him as a bit of a hero, amidst the senseless destruction of a war he couldn’t comprehend.

“Now I think he was just a pansy who clearly didn’t try hard enough. I’m ashamed.”

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