Greece presents Brussels and Berlin with large wooden horse

by philapilus

Now considered luxurious living space, compared with the ruin the rest of the country is in

Greece’s creditors were said to be “surprised but delighted” this morning, after the new anti-austerity coalition led by Alexis Tsipras sent them a really beautiful, big wooden horse.

Hans Onmycok, a spokesperson for the European Central Bank, said “Ja, ve are being very worried about zer new coalition, but zen zey sent zis pretty big horse! It has a note saying ‘Don’t Open Yet!’, und we are vaiting for zem to tell us when ve can be opening it. I am sure it has lots of lovely bailout repayments, inside, naturlich.”

The far-left Syriza party has joined forces with the far right Greek Independents party, on a platform of undoing the austerity measures that have seen living standards plummet to a level favourably described as “a cross between medieval serfdom and living in a rubbish tip”.

Greece’s new finance minister, Elektra Nachios, said “After years of catastrophic economic misery, we are going to take control of our own destiny.

“But don’t worry, I’m sure the European Union will really enjoy our new direction – much as we have enjoyed the generous stipulations enforced by Berlin for the last five years. I myself have found the whole ‘not eating or using electricity’ thing very bracing.

“Anyway, hope you like the horse, Eurocrats. It definitely isn’t packed with millions of gallons of highly pressurised excrement which will bury you all in a tsunami of shit.”

George Osborne, UK chancellor and winner of 2014’s ‘Oleaginous Little Prick of the Year’, said nervously “I am sure the Greeks won’t want to let the side down by defaulting on their debts. It’s not like they’ve lost their marbles!”

To which Alexis Tsipras replied “Yes we have mate. They’re in your fucking museum.”

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