Cameron threatens to kneecap hoax-caller

by philapilus
File:David Cameron, London, Saturday, 7 January, 2012.jpg

Just look at the psychotic rage simmering beneath that tightlipped veneer of respectability…

David Cameron has said he is making it a personal priority to find the person who hoax-called him, and introduce him or her to a world of pain.

The Prime Minister tweeted this morning “Going to f*cking find that c*nt who had the f*cking nerve to hoax-call me. Think it’s f*cking funny do ya, motherf*cka? Let’s see you laugh when I’ve run over your f*cking kneecaps with a grass-roller.”

Although Number 10 insists security wasn’t breached, and that someone managing to get the Prime Minister’s number is “No biggie”, an aide to Mr Cameron has admitted that the Tory leader is furious.

“He’s shitting bricks,” said the aide. “It was like he had transformed into a cross between Malcolm Tucker and Marcellus Wallace, with a little bit of Jack the Ripper thrown in for good measure.

“I really would not want to be in that poor sod’s shoes when he catches them.”

The running of the country has meanwhile been left to a Windows 7 Autogovern function on Mr Cameron’s PC, whilst the enraged PM drives up and down Britain’s extensive motorway network, screaming “I’ll fucking find you!” out the window with a loudhailer.

Nick Clegg said “I wish they’d rung me. I’d bloody love a hoax call. Just any kind of call really. I spend all day sitting in my lightless broom cupboard, waiting for the phone to ring.

“It never does.”

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