Obama uses State of the Union Address to remind everyone Republicans are c*nts

by philapilus

“Let me spell that for you: C-U-N-…”

President Obama has used his annual State of the Union Address to remind Americans that the collapse of his personal trajectory, from shining star to damp squib, doesn’t mean that the Republicans have in any way stopped being “A bunch of utter c*nts”.

The President said to Congress “I admit that I appear to have frittered away the goodwill of the nation, and gone from hero to zero with impressive speed. And I know that generally ‘Yes We Can’ has kind of turned into ‘Sorry, Actually It Turns Out I Can’t’.

“But I’d like everyone to remember that the alternative is a party of total assholes, whose raison d’etre is serving a tiny super-wealthy elite, whilst fucking over the vast majority of Americans.”

Obama then whined extensively about how it was purely the Republicans’ stranglehold over Congress that had stymied his attempts to make things less shit-munchingly awful for the vast majority of non-rich Americans.

More convincingly, he added that the Grand Old Party were socially backward, morally bankrupt, and about as good for the country as a shotgun to the genitals.

Republican Congressman Randy Bumfukowitz said “Ah didden listen to that boy, cos Ah don’t hold with no Nigras a-talkin in public. But Ah’d like to ‘mind the ‘merican people that if they vote for us we’s gon’ be the ones gon’ give them a real purty war somewhere, an’ if that don’ take their mind off the poverty, I reckon nothin’ ain’t gonna.

“Vote Republican, we’ll make ya feel like ya got a bazooka in ya shorts. An’ we’ll make darn sure that from now on, Nigras, Mehicans and the ladyfolk are seen and not heard. Pref’bly neither.”

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