The Sun becomes ‘force for good’ with end of Page 3

by philapilus

Really desperate tossers could always rotate the page 90 degrees, and pretend this is a large bosom…

The Sun announced today it will be scrapping topless photos, leading everyone to agree that the paper is now basically brilliant, and on its way to becoming a commendable bastion of British journalism.

Sun reader Wendy Nailinthehead said “Before, when they showed women with their knockers out, the Sun was a filthy vessel of patriarchal hegemony, and hellbent on the oppression of women.

“But now that I can see they have embraced womankind as equals, I am sure that their investigative journalism will become equally cleansed of grubby, sordid themes, and rise to the greatest heights of objective reportage.”

Jack Kinghoff, also a Sun fan, said “It’s a big boy’s paper now. Finally I can buy it with a clear conscience. Not that I was going to stop buying it, but now I can do it with a clear conscience. That’s an Advance.”

But critics claim the decision to stop showing breasts was one of convenience rather than morality. They say that the newspaper’s management simply realised there was more than enough wank-fodder online, and that by dropping the tit-pics the Sun had gained a whole extra page to fill with prejudice, and barely-concealed lunacy.

Greater Demon Rupert Murdoch said “I Remind You That Your Souls Are Still Very Much Mine, Brief Mortals. Let Not The Disappearing D-cups Make You Think Otherwise. For I Hunger To Devour You All.”

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