British army generals deny bi-curiousity

by philapilus

“If we don’t know which ones are gay, how can we possibly treat them all the same?”

The MoD has defended questioning of new recruits about homosexuality, claiming that senior soldiers “have the right to know what kind of bumsex is going on underneath them, so to speak.”

Recruits are asked questions including; ‘Are you gay?’ ‘How long have you been gay?’ and ‘What’s it like?’

Further optional questions include ‘Would you sleep with a senior officer to further your career?’ and ‘If you answered yes to that last question, please could we have your number?’

But suggestions of bi-curiosity amongst senior army staff have been roundly and vehemently rejected.

Major Sir Leslie Fanshawe-Haines-Haines said “Absolute balderdash! Our questions are completely legitimate, and we completely refute any notion that we are asking out of any repressed prurient sexual interests of our own.

“I certainly don’t have gay feelings. If any gay came near me, I’d jolly well tell him to piss off. So, you know, if you see any gays, make sure you send them to me. So I can tell them that.”

Gay solider Tim Twanks said “I’m a soldier. Quite a good one. But they’re not interested in that.

“It’s the 21st century. Why is it that people are still uncomfortable about what I do with my bottom? Do we really need to keep analysing this over and over?

“If the Chiefs of Staff could just get out a bit more, you know, go to a gay bar occasionally or something, they’d probably feel a lot better about things.”


%d bloggers like this: