Satire stopped forever to please fundamentalists

by philapilus

Such a good argument

After the brutal slaughter of civilians at French satirical magazine, Charlie Hebdo, the international satirical community has conceded that hardline fundamentalists have clearly won the intellectual argument.

The murders, apparently committed by Islamic extremists, have shown political pomposity-pricking humorists everywhere that having a bit of a laugh at horrible people is just not on.

Satire-recusant Tim Twanks said “There is literally nothing worse in the world than having a bit of a laugh at someone who’s an arsehole.

“Seriously. If you’re a semi-literate barbarian with medieval beliefs about how it’s fine to be married to a 9 year old, then as far as I’m concerned, you have the right never ever to be even gently ribbed about your imaginary friends.”

As once-proud satirical institutions like Private Eye closed their doors and fired their staff, many veteran pisstakers took to the streets wearing sackcloth and ashes, parading themselves before society and begging forgiveness.

Wendy Nailinthehead, who writes a blog gently poking fun at the various batshit mad claims of various religions, said “I never realised, until today, just how evil I am.

“I have spent my days having a bit of a wry giggle at people who won’t eat bacon – which previously I thought was obviously the best food on earth. I’m truly despicable. Seriously, I’m probably the worst person on earth.

“How I wish someone would blow me away with a machine gun whilst shouting random religious slogans, just to teach me the error of my ways.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I just need to get back to flagellating myself.”

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