Everyone desperate to see online montage of your 2014

by philapilus

“You’re so brilliantly whacky!” said no one, ever

Everybody you know is clamoring for a social media-based precis of your year, it emerged today.

As millions of people used formulaic Facebook apps, such as quirky pretend newspapers, to provide a lazy potted history of their year, everyone said that really they couldn’t be happy until they had seen yours as well.

Public appetite has risen sharply since last year’s montage, consisting of a bunch of photos of you in the pub, on holiday, or paralytic at that wedding, moments before you threw up on the bride.

Pal since childhood, Tim Twanks (who never misses anything on social networks because he’s replaced his brainstem with a wireless device), said “Unless I get to see the highlights of your 2014, as randomly chosen from amongst your photos by a computer algorithm, I am breaking off the friendship. Come on, you owe us this.”

University friend Wendy Nailinthehead added “What I love is the way you try, really quite hard, to look cooler in your photos than you suspect yourself to be. Your brilliant ‘funny faces’ and your continual use of the classic bunny-ears gesture have me in stitches every time. It’s cool to try to be cool.”

But ex-partner Samantha Furcup, who has seen your embarrassing bits, said “When we were going out you were an asshole with bad breath and no talent at all in bed.

“But it is only since I saw your ‘My Times 2014’ that I have really started to loathe every despicable fibre of your being.”

 

 

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