Microbes from 2km below the ocean floor “just like us”

by philapilus

You don’t need a brain to realise they’re shit

The International Ocean Discovery Programme has claimed that microbes discovered by the deepest ever drilling operation bear a striking resemblance to the British public.

Scientists found the single-celled organisms 2400m below the seabed, living an extremely sedentary life, involving no mental or physical exertion, low-nutrition meals, and no visible productivity of any kind.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the IODP’s Slough branch, said “We’ve hit it off famously. They love our music, our casual racism, and our thieving politicians. We love their superior cooking and infinitely more refined public transport system.

“And of course we are learning a lot from each other about sitting very still and doing fuck-all.

“The only real divergence between our species is that they aren’t very keen on our telly. When we showed them Top Gear theysaid ‘You ARE kidding, right? You guys watch this shit? Bloody hell’.”

Microbe Wendy Nailinthehead said “If you think I am going through all that hassle of evolving from a single-celled organism just to end up as a mammal sat on its fat arse eating Wotsits and watching Jeremy Clarkson, you are very much fucking mistaken.”

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