Triumph for Major in X Factor Final

by philapilus

She got a body like an hourglass, but I can give it to you all the time…

Sir John Major said this morning he was”walking on air” after winning this year’s X factor.

The former Conservative Prime Minister said he had entered the competition initially “for a laugh” and had no expectations of getting anywhere with it.

But Major wowed audiences in the early stages with extraordinary renditions of classics like ‘Two Little Boys’ and ‘Tie me Kangaroo Down’ – both by disgraced children’s entertainer, Rolf Harris.

He then did a cover of Gary Glitter’s ‘Do you wanna touch me’ described by critics as “both rousing and arousing”.

But it was his performance in the final that made his win a dead cert, with a beautiful version of Jessie J’s ‘Bang Bang (there goes your heart)’, in which Major sang Jessie and Arianna’s parts in falsetto, and dropped in to a Barry White-like voice to perform Nicki Minaj’s rap.

Major was named 2014’s victor in a show that drew over 9 million viewers. He said to the fans “Thank you, thank you all. This is a humbling, exciting, and all round kick-ass fucking brilliant day for me. I love you all!”

Professional dick Simon Cowell said “MEEEEEEEEEEEE!! MEEEE! LOVE MEEEEE. I DO!!”

Major’s win marks the first time a former Prime Minister has succeeded in popular music since Harold Wilson appeared on Top of the Pops with a cover of ‘Relax’, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

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