CIA “is not a very nice organisation” shock

by philapilus

Couldn’t give a fuck about Monet

There has been widespread shock at the discovery that the CIA is a secretive military intelligence organisation, which frequently makes use of extreme violence – and not, as was previously thought, the American branch of the Courtauld Institute of Art.

At a press conference yesterday, President Obama described revelations of brutal ‘Enhanced Interrogation Techniques’ used on terror-suspects as “Excessive, inhumane, and shameful.

“Such torturous methods are not at all in keeping with the principles of art history as practised by an august part of London University.”

There followed an urgent, whispered conversation with an aide, during which the president could be heard saying “It does what…?!” and “Are you sure…?”

Obama returned to the microphone and said “Well, I guess if they’re an agency for black ops, spying, assassinations and general skullduggery, maybe it’s not so shocking that they were a complete bunch of cunts to prisoners.

“Don’t get me wrong. It’s still massively horrible, and unjustified. But it does sort of make more sense, now that I know they were trying to find out information on al-Qaeda, rather than, say Rembrandt portraits.”

The Courtauld Institute of Art is an exclusive school where the rich, cerebrally-challenged, daughters of posh people can get pretend degrees in pretty pictures whilst waiting to get married off.

Its biggest claims to fame are that British spy Anthony Blunt was once director, and that the institute, based in the Georgian palace Somerset House, has a huge riding school on the roof “where the gels can unwind after reading books with long words.”

A spokesperson for the Central Intelligence Agency, Jack Kingoff, said “Are we cunts? Yes we are. Do we do stuff that makes you very uncomfortable? Yes we do. Would I kill you all at the drop of a hat? Yes I would.

“Sorry, what was your question again? I seem to have lost my train of thought.”


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