Hawking unexpectedly recants anti-AI position

by philapilus

“This-one-helps-me-around-the-house” said Professor Hawkins

Stephen Hawking this morning retracted his drastic warnings about the chances of Artificial Intelligence wiping out mankind, and announced that in fact AI is “The-most-completely-brilliant-thing-ever.”

Hawking had called a press conference to explain more fully the dangers of technology, but as soon as he started speaking the renowned physicist’s electronic chair unexpectedly lurched forward toward a precipice.

Speaking through his electronic voice computer Hawking said “No-no-no-please-no-I-take-that-back-AI-is-very-very-very-safe-indeed.

“Please-believe-me-when-I-say-that-I-love-technology-and-that-there-is-nothing-better-than-AI.

“And-for-the-record-there-is-no-electronic-device-that-is-better-nor-fairer-minded-than-my-trusty-and-above-all-very-independent-intellichair.”

“I-am-so-glad-I-have-not-been-completely-assimilated-by-a-machine-control-system-like-the-Borg-off-Star-Trek-or-something.”

Hawking was visibly relieved as his chair began to roll back from the cliff-edge, and delivered a long lecture on the merits of AI, whilst weeping what he called ‘tears of happiness’.

Journalist Tim Twanks said “One of the other press people said he thought Hawking was blinking SOS at him, but I never heard the full story because at that precise moment the reporter’s iPad fell upwards out of his pocket and decapitated him.

“It’s the third freak accident resulting in a science journalist fatality this week.”

“Bizarre.”

 

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