‘More friendly’ HIV causes concern about God’s dedication

by philapilus

God’s way of showing He cares, say morons

Almighty God has come under fire from many of his own followers today, after a major scientific study showed that HIV is now “not quite so good at wiping out the gays”.

The suggestion that HIV was generally chilling out a bit, starting to relax, and generally being less deadly, has caused some key church figures to question whether God might be going a bit soft.

Pastor Willy Stroker, of the Church of Christ’s Love and Unmitigated Wrath, said “The Lord is infallible, obviously, but I would just like to remind Him that HIV and Aids are an important part of his plan for wiping out the heathen bumsexers.

“If he starts letting the odd gay slip through the killer-disease-net, we’re going to be up to our balls in faggots before you can say ‘Get thee behind me Satan, but not in the bumsex way’.”

Many Christians blame the Lord’s lackadaisical approach to gaykilling on his increasing obsession with collecting all of the My Little Pony toys from the classic 1983-1995 period.

“He just can’t be bothered anymore,” complained Christian Tim Twanks.

“It’s like when he was into the Care Bears. For 8 months whenever you prayed all you got was a pre-recorded message saying ‘Hi this is God, bit busy right now, but leave a message and someone’ll probably get back to you.’

“I really hope he isn’t going to start going soft on gays. If he lets them off all we’ve got left is subjugating women and hating Negroes.”

A spokesman for Heaven said “You what? God hates…gays? Where did you get that from?! Oh, well if you will go round believing what you read in the Bible

“Trust me, if God has something important to say, it won’t be via the clay tablet carvings of cavemen. He’s got email and facebook and everything; we’re quite advanced up here you know.”

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