Blair’s Christmas grimace was ‘deal with Cherie’

by philapilus

Last year Tony circumvented the ‘Cherie problem’ completely, with a Christmas card showing himself and George Bush. This was the ‘least sensuous’ image from the day’s shoot.

 

It has emerged that the psychotic grimace Tony Blair is sporting on his 2014 Christmas card was part of an agreement the former Prime Minister made with his wife.

A source close to the Blairs said “Tony agreed that this year he would be the one contorting his face into a horrifying rictus, to take the pressure off Cherie, whose – for want of a better word – ‘smile’ has been mocked for years.

“In return Cherie agreed to wear a bag over her head whilst they had sex that night, and indeed to keep it on for the rest of 2014.”

The convention of sending colleagues a picture of yourself and your spouse, instead of an actual fucking Christmas Card, is a long-held and proud tradition amongst British politicians.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Seasonal Shenanigans, said “The whole ‘personalised Christmas card’ thing is just another way way for the venal, thieving, out of touch bastards who rule us to piss each other off.

“Because they hate the sight of one another even more than the rest of us hate them.

“Quite a clever ploy really. ‘Here’s a picture of me, your mortal enemy, which propriety dictates you will have to put up and look at every fucking day, before hurling it into the fire on December 26th.’

“That’s why Gordon Brown has stepped down from politics this week. He couldn’t face the thought of another Christmas with the Blairs’ malformed mouths mocking him from the mantelpiece.”

In 2011 Cherie grew ‘Fu Manchu’ facial hair to cover her hideous mouth, but got it trapped in the car door on the way to the photographer’s studio.

 

 

 

 

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