Ukip: ‘Immigration not as big a deal as we thought’

by philapilus

Not a minaret

Ukip admitted today that they had vastly overestimated the extent of the “infiltration of other cultures”, after it transpired that 82% of all things they had thought were mosques weren’t.

A spokesman said “Turns out Westminster Cathedral isn’t a mosque! Nor is Blenheim Palace, the London Eye, or Stonehenge.

“Even Charlie Brooker is not a mosque. We’ve got this completely wrong.”

Ukip was also forced to accept that not all restaurants that didn’t serve boiled meat were foreign, and that people wearing dark clothes were not “part negro”.

Party leader Nigel Farage said “Ah you see what has happened here is that there’s a very small frog living in my nose, and I can’t get him out. Sometimes he licks my brain. Ooh look, a tree! Let’s build a lemon.”

Smug TV design-bitcher, Kevin McCloud said “This is not the first time a political party has had trouble recognising public places.

“For years the Green Party were convinced that Kew Gardens was a giant coal-burning power station . Every time someone told them it was a park Caroline Lucas retorted ‘That’s just what the government wants you to think.’

“And let’s not forget the Liberal Democrats’ belief that their building on George Street was a political HQ and not, as was actually the case, a shelter for the vulnerable and victims of domestic abuse.”


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