Black Friday footage to replace boy-receiving-tablet as ‘most inspirational’ video

by philapilus

No red-blooded Brit could fail to be moved to tears by consumption-fuelled carnage

A viral video of an Argentinean boy crying with gratitude over a present, has been superseded by footage of shoppers fighting over TVs, as the UK’s most-shared inspirational clip.

The home video of the happily weeping boy has brought saccharine-flavoured tears to the eyes of hundreds of thousands of British people in recent weeks.

But this morning it dropped completely off the radar, after videos surfaced of shoppers in Tesco’s beating the shit out of each other over electrical goods that were being sold at a slightly-reduced price.

This was immediately recognised by the British public as being far more worthy of admiration and emulation.

Speaking from a hospital bed, Jeff Plugsocket, manager of the Tesco branch in Little Dippshit, said “The ‘Black Friday’ shoppers were legion. They forced their way in, pummeled my mostly teenage workforce, and threw me through a window when I tried to stop them.

“Then they viciously fought one other over cut-price TVs, most of which they smashed in their ugly greed.

“It was like a window had opened on to hell. The horror…the horror…”

‘Black Friday’, an American tradition, is the day when folks who have just celebrated Thanksgiving try to kill one another in Walmart over curling tongs and half-price birdseed.

Like other American traditions involving blind consumerism and insatiable avarice, it has gone down extremely well in the UK, as was shown last night in outbreaks of violence across the country.

Social media analyst, Professor Hamish McEyebrau, said “Immediately the dewy-eyed sentiment over a cute kid with good manners stopped trending, and was replaced with footage of women clawing each other’s faces off, and men crushing babies underfoot – all for a cheap DVD player. It is sickening.

“But then, it is also kind of sickening that that Argentinean kid’s parents tricked him into thinking his birthday present was a fucking chopping board, instead of a knock-off iPad tablet.

“No wonder he cried. I would too if my parents were such bastards.”

%d bloggers like this: