“Them Labour lot are a bunch of posh wankers, guv’nor” say Tories

by philapilus

“Personally I have a whole fleet of them” said George Osborne “So you can see I’m bona fide proletariat”

David Cameron said today that “Labour are a right load of lah-de-dah rich kids who ain’t never done a hard day’s work in their life.”

The Prime Minister was just one of the numerous working class people, who have been outraged by the prejudice imputed to Emily Thornberry, after a stupendously idiotic Twitter post last week.

Leaning out of the window of his white Ford Transit, Cameron said “Serious guv’; them posh twats ain’t gotta clue about the ordinary common man, and this is why so many of my fellow white van men are gettin‘ together an’ votin’ for the Tories, yeah?”

Wheeler-dealer Boris Johnson agreed, saying “Nah Miliband’s well outta touch. Probably lives in a bleedin’ castle. I mean, ‘ere I am, in this ‘ere greasy spoon caff where the tea’s so strong you can build bridges wiv it. Yes mate, this is where I belong and no mistake, ennit?”

Many other Tory commentators shared these sentiments, and proudly reiterated their values as a party of the working class, protecting working class people, and generally just saying working class as many times as possible.

A panicked Ed Miliband, whose campaign to lose the 2015 election is going from strength to strength, said “Has anyone in my party been criticised today? Because I’ll gladly get rid of them, if you want? Like a shot. I’ll get rid of any of them. I’ll even get rid of me, if it’ll help?

“Just please please tell me what to do? I am so out of my depth. It’s like that dream where I’m resitting my A-levels, but I haven’t done any revision and I’m naked.”

Jacob Rees Mogg MP said “Oh yes, as a party we are indubitably dedicated to the promulgation of those diligent people in the lowest orders who frequently earn no more than a mere £70,000 per annum.

“I myself am practically a peasant, so low am I within the class-system of this country. Vox populi, vox dei is my motto. It’s inscribed on stone above the Inglenook fireplace in the drawing room.”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: