UK responds to SAS killing jihadis: “AWWWWWW YEAHHHH!!!”

by philapilus
https://i0.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/31/NTS_-_BEEF_-_WATUSI.jpg

BOOM! It’s just like we’ve got a massive penis

It was revealed today that the SAS has been carrying out strikes on ISIS, and has killed around 200 jihadis in just four weeks, leading most British men to say “AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”, really very loudly.

A defence source confirmed that “SAS squads are being flown by Chinook helicopters in to target areas identified by reconnaissance drones. They then find groups of ISIS soldiers and take them out with sniper rifles and heavy machine guns.”

“Whilst riding quad bikes, for Chrissakes. How fucking awesome is that?

Data inputter, Tom Dickenarry, said “This is exactly the kind of news that I can both understand, and enjoy. This isn’t some boring debate over whether Alan Johnson – whoever he is – should mount a leadership challenge against Ed Miliband – whoever he is.

“This is guys soaring in slow-motion over sand dunes on quad bikes , blasting round after round into towelheads, with Islamist blood spilling everywhere, whilst high octane music pumps out banging tunes.

“And it’s British guys doing it! It’s hella cool.

“I can’t pull ‘hella’ off, can I?”

Unemployed sales assistant, Tim Twanks, said “I’ve done a sociology degree, so of course I don’t fall for all the jingoism and excitement the press-propaganda machine whips up about foreign conflicts. But, having said that, I have had a massive erection all afternoon.

“I haven’t been this thrilled about current affairs since I heard there was an MP whose name was ‘Reckless’. What a crushing disappointment he turned out to be.”

Meanwhile the MoD has revealed that the SAS raids will feature in a cheaply-made film, starring someone who looks a bit like Sean Bean, which will bypass cinemas and turn up on the ‘New Releases’ DVD chart in your local Sainsbury’s within the next month.

They have also confirmed that the cover will be by far the best thing about it.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: