“Kissing?! Ewww, gross.” say Dutch scientists

by philapilus

“Urrrgh! That’s DISGUSTING!”

A group of Dutch scientists have published a report claiming that kissing “is totally yuck, gay, and gives you cooties.”

The team from the Netherlands Organisation for Applied Scientific Research spent many months hanging around behind the bikesheds, spying on couples kissing, occasionally shouting rude words at them, and then running away.

Professor Dick van Dyck said “We’ve seen a lot of couples snogging now, and can definitively say that it is well yucky.

“They press their lips together, and close their eyes and make moaning noises, and then they swap spit. Ewwww! And, right, it makes you feel all funny in your pants.

“It’s well gross. Girls are gross. You get diseases from them. Kissing girls is gay. Urgh.”

Kissers Pieter and Anika said they were shadowed by the scientists and spied on for a whole morning.

“Every time we turned around, they ran away,” said Pieter, “but then they’d sneak back again, and follow us around, sniggering.

“At one point we were sitting on a park bench, and Anika went to kiss me, and the whole gang sped past on scooters, throwing twigs and leaves at us and shouting ”bummers!’.

“A study of kissing; Jesus Christ. Do you remember when science used to be about landing people on the moon, or creating vaccines for the deadliest diseases?

“What the hell happened?”

 

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