Hunt: “Donut burger will keep the statistics favourable”

by philapilus

It’s just possible that this isn’t a good idea

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has come out in support of the controversial Double Donut burger, saying that it will “Be the most significant easing of pressure on the NHS since Mrs Thatcher’s plan to thin out the poor.”

The burger, advertised as ‘containing enough calories in one bite to kill a badger’, has been met with criticism by various health experts, but has been praised by that sizeable proportion of the British public that is too fat to put food into its own mouth without help.

Mr Hunt said “Our well-being, as a nation, is at the absolute heart of what this government is doing. But we can’t all be healthy, anymore than we can all be rich, and those brave fatties who commit greasy, delicious suicide so as to avoid being a drain on the NHS, thus freeing up funds for the rest of us, are really the unsung heroes of British nutrition.

“I say ‘the rest of us’; obviously I go private. But you would too if you saw some of the reports I’ve seen.”

Large comedienne Dawn French, who isn’t funny so let’s just say Dawn French, tried one of the Double Donuts and said “MMmmfgh mmfgunh mmf. Mhunggung MMMFH HMM!” And was immediately rushed into hospital.

Nutritionist Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough School of Saturated Fats, Starch and Sugars, said “The ill-effects on the human body of eating two burgers, four bits of bacon, a layer of cheese and two donuts in one mouth-stuffing meal, cannot be overstated. You would have to be a fucking greedy moron to eat this tower of artery-busting junk.

“But luckily for the Hungry Horse chain, one thing we are not short of in this country is fucking greedy morons. They’re going to do very well.”

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