Deceitful band frontman CAN hear you

by philapilus

He knows EXACTLY what you’re saying, the deceitful little jerk

It has emerged that the lead singer or frontman of every band on the planet can actually hear the audience, despite frequent protestations to the contrary.

Musicians admitted that the whole  ‘Are you having a good time?…  I can’t HEAR you! I SAID: ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?!’ is actually a ruse, intended to arouse more excitement and adulation from screaming fans.

Audience member Dwayne Tank said “I see a lot of bands. And when they claim they can’t hear if we’re enjoying ourselves or not, I always shout back that I am, as loud as I can – because I’d hate to think they’ll go away feeling unappreciated.

“But now it turns out this is all part of some sort of act! I had all that surgery on my ruptured larynx for nothing! Bastards.”

Lead singer of rock outfit, Chipfat, Swizzy ‘Large’ Noisemaker (AKA Kenneth Roberts) said “Everyone does it. You want to whip the fans up into more of a frenzy, so you feign temporary deafness.

“Before you know it you’ve fallen down the slippery slope into compulsive dishonesty, and you’re insisting that you can’t hear anyone at all unless they are screaming ‘I LOVE YOU’ two inches away from your face. It’s like a drug really. A drug made of lies and deceit. And then taken with other drugs.”

Music fans are considering whether to file a mass lawsuit against some of the worst perpetrators. But Harold Buggerd, a lawyer specialising in musical disappointment litigation, said “Thing is there are some bands for whom the statement is completely genuine and legitimate.

“For instance, Lemmy from Motorhead can’t hear his audience because a lifetime of playing heavy rock has left him totally deaf to even the loudest of cheers. Whereas Bono from U2 can’t hear fans’ shouts of acclamation, because there aren’t any.”

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