World responds to US Republican victory

by philapilus

“The amount that we do not care what you think is impossible to express in any other way”

After the Republican party took control of the Senate in the mid-term elections, the rest of the world collectively sent the US an email, saying “Oh for fuck’s sake, America.”

All around the globe, people – many of whom aren’t very well-informed about US politics -chastised the American public for not being very well-informed about US politics, and for electing a bunch of right wing nutjobs.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, Head of USAology at the Slough School of Despondency said “It’s miserably depressing that a country where the majority are spiralling ever further into poverty has chosen very rich people to make its decisions.

“The word ‘Fuckwittery’ springs to mind. A poorly educated electorate, disenfranchised by its own apathy, cowed by – and voting for – an elite, who coerce them using a partisan and propagandistic press… and that’s just the UK. It’s even worse in America.”

The Republican party is famous for shafting the poor, maintaining a reactionary social stance, petulantly blocking policies to protect the interests of the wealthy, and basically being evil.

But Republican Mitch McConnell, the new Senate Majority Leader, who opposes affordable basic healthcare, is anti-gun control, is funded by major financial companies, and has a personal wealth of between $10m and $45m, said “So what? It’s not like we’re trying to hide any of this.

“There’s nothing deceitful. We go on TV, we say ‘Hi, we’re here to fuck you over’ and the public goes ‘OK fair enough, at least you aren’t black’ and votes us in.”

Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger has started another letter campaign, encouraging readers of low intelligence to write impassioned pleas to US voters, begging them to see sense before the next election.

But Randy T Fukowicz, a lifelong GoP supporter said “Ok, so you’re saying I’m a racist, gun-toting hick, voting for a bunch of evil overlords?

“Well, if you think about it for two seconds, that is what you might call ‘very much my own fucking decision’ isn’t it? Assholes.”






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