AC/DC drummer not charged with child abuse

by philapilus

There was widespread shock this morning after an ageing male celebrity was arrested on suspicion of a crime not in any way related to the abuse of children.

Phil Rudd, drummer of the famous heavy rock outfit, AC/DC, has been charged with attempting to arrange a murder and drug offences, but appears to have no connection whatsoever to child sex crimes.

New Zealand police, who arrested Mr Rudd this morning, said “Astonishingly we have no grounds on which to suspect the accused, a 60 year old successful entertainer, of paedophilia.

“This makes him completely unique amongst men of his demographic who are in the public eye. There must be something wrong with him, right? We’re going to get the shrinks to check him out.”

Thus far exhaustive efforts by the popular press to interview everyone who has been a child at any time over the last 45 years, is yet to turn up any accusations of inappropriate activity.

A Daily Mail source said “This is terrible. How can there be nothing? We’re going to have to just make shit up, and you know how much we hate doing that, don’t you?”

Meanwhile, Theresa May has asked the New Zealand courts to drop all charges against him, because Rudd may be the only person left on Earth who is eligible to chair her government child sex abuse inquiry.

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