Creepy-crawly horde to colonize Melua’s ear canal

by philapilus

Spacious, close to the shops, and with excellent public transport links

After Katie Melua saved a spider lodging in her ear and released it into the garden, numerous bugs, arachnids and insects have announced their intention to take up residence in the singer’s inner ears.

Adam Ant, an ant from Bromley, said “Normally, when people get critters stuck in the old lugs they dig us out and squish us flat.

“But Katie’s a class act. Didn’t panic, didn’t disintegrate that spider with a blowtorch; she just gave it a comfortable home for a week, and then set him free in her garden. That’s the kind of ear I want to live in!”

Around 700 creatures are expected to attempt entry into Melua’s ears over the next few days, and most see Katie’s lovely auricles as somewhere warm and roomy to spend the winter.

But some insect community leaders are warning of overcrowding.

Nigel Forage, a dung-beetle from Melua’s garden, said “We bagsied that ear first! Those of us living on her property have an indisputable prior claim, and we see absolutely no reason why we should let any of these workshy foreign critters from other gardens clamber into our earspace and raise their horrid little larvae here.

“If we start allowing foreign fleas in, it will be only a matter of time until we’ve got smelly, dirty stag-beetles crawling all over her lobes. And that’s not racist, it’s a fact.

“There simply isn’t room for anyone else, we were here first, and these foreigners should bloody well go back where they came from. Wait – that ant’s not a native! Hang on… HEY! HEY YOU! WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO NUMBER 32 AND STOP STEALING OUR PROTEIN?!”

 

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