Cameron to ask Merkel ‘Who won the bloody war?’

by philapilus

The Conservatives have refined their argument to this

After Angela Merkel warned that the UK’s belligerence over immigration control threatens to push it out of the EU, the government said that it was high time the Germans remembered losing the world cup in 1966, and two world wars.

No.10 announced that David Cameron would be meeting with Chancellor Merkel later this week, and would address her by rhetorically screaming “Who won the bloody war, then eh? Eh?” right in her face.

He will go on to perform a racist caricature of a military parade, goosestepping around the room whilst giving a Nazi salute, like John Cleese in Fawlty Towers.

European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker and Mrs Merkel have both tried to convince the UK to reconcile itself to the free movement of labour enshrined in the EU constitution.

But, in a subtle counter-argument, Cameron and George Osborne have said “Bloody immigrants! Coming over here and taking British jobs, whilst simultaneously scrounging benefits and refusing to work!

“Not to mention their foreign lingo, smelly food and unhygienic habits!”

Experts warn that, whilst the economic argument over the capacity of public infrastructure and the welfare system may have created a legitimate need for clarification, storming off like a sulky toddler is unlikely to help.

One commentator said “Even the EU’s complete fuckwittery in presenting the UK with a £1.7bn bill, at a time when everyone thinks UKip are a viable political option, cannot excuse this level of British isolationist stupidity.”

German minister for Having to Talk to the UK, Hans Onmycok, said “Oh for god’s sake, you’ve got an election next year! You don’t really want to go into it on a platform of scaremongery and whipping up xenophobic fervour, do you?

“You do? Oh sorry. Don’t mind us then.”

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