Met Office gets supercomputer to access best adult sites

by philapilus

Like a big swirly nipple

Weather forecasters have hailed the announcement of a new Met supercomputer as “An end to the drudgery of the job, and of making do with the Sunday Sport during ‘toilet’ breaks”.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough Institute of Meteorology said  “The £97m computer will allow minute fluctuations in weather to be predicted with an extraordinary degree of pinpoint accuracy, whilst simultaneously allowing you to ogle – and indeed Google – Needy Milfs.

“Cracking stuff.”

The Met Office decided that the extra processing power was necessary after the naked pictures of Jennifer Lawrence were leaked online.

According to an inside source “There were so many ‘J-Law hacked photos’ searches per minute amongst the staff, that the entire weather prediction system crashed for three days. We literally had to write the forecast by just looking out the window.”

Professor McEyebrau added “Meteorologists provide an extremely important service, and our provision of accurate statistics is vital for the financial stability of the transport, agricultural and fishing industries, amongst many others.

“But at the same time, did you see the breasts on that woman? It’s not too much to ask is it, having a bit of extra processing power to download the really good porn? Would you want to face the ignominy of resorting to buying the Sport from a newsagent’s? Exactly.”

BBC forecaster Carol Kirkwood said “At first I was disgusted by all these creepy, fusty little statisticians getting a supercomputer just so they could gawp over demeaning images of women.

“But then someone pointed out I’d be able to look for naked pictures of Tom Hiddleston whilst still, nominally at least, working.

“Why do you think I’m constantly grinning like a monkey with a very, very large banana?!”

 

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