“And your plan is…?” Russia asks Sweden

by philapilus

‘Ah, um, ohh…yeah that’s…that’s quite…Jesus it’s a biggy…Um, you know what? Actually, you can sail anywhere you like! Who cares about stuffy old nonsense like territorial waters? Not us!’ said Sweden

As the Swedish armed forces continue to search for what they claim is a Russian submarine in the waters near Stockholm, Russia has asked Sweden exactly what it is planning to do about it anyway.

Russian Foreign Minister, Ivan Everhaditov, said “Let’s say, hypothetically, that one of our subs is in your territorial waters.

“In fact, let’s say, hypothetically, it surfaces, and the crew comes out on deck, pull down their pants and collectively moon you, exactly what the shitting fuck, pardon my French, are you going to do about it?”

Russia also suggested to Sweden that it might be worth Googling ‘biggest military forces in the world’, and offered to lend them a big folder of recent press-clippings about Ukraine.

A Swedish military source said “Um, well, I suppose that’s… Well, maybe he’s got a point there.

“You know what though? I’ve actually just had a bit of a think about this, and I reckon it probably isn’t a Russian sub at all. In fact, none of us do. We’re pretty sure it is actually the Loch Ness monster, testing our naval defences. Bloody Nessie.

“Damn you Scotland!”

The Swedish government subsequently announced that if it does turn out that a Russian submarine has strayed into Swedish territorial waters, they would be more than happy to send out a boat full of complementary sandwiches, cake and vodka, and pick up any dry cleaning the sailors needed doing.

A Russian spokesman said “You see? President Putin’s penis is very big, and not tiny and hard to find at all.”


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