Government to crack down on crazy hormonal mums

by philapilus

‘Don’t you think you might just be milking this whole thing a bit, to try and get some attention?’

The Treasury has said it is deeply concerned by a report which claims perinatal women suffering mental ill-health are costing the economy £8bn.

The report says that pregnant women and new mothers who are not getting adequate mental healthcare, put a strain on NHS resources, and negatively impact the economy through a loss of earnings.

The chancellor George Osborne said “This is absolutely unacceptable. We need to cut to the heart of this problem and make it very clear to crazy women that they can’t mope around all day just because they’ve got babies.

“We are going to instigate a withdrawal of benefits for any new mum who hasn’t spent at least five hours a day trying to cheer up, or attending a ‘Put a brave face on it, dear’ session at the local community centre.

“If it hasn’t been closed down.”

The government said that whilst maternal anxiety, depression and psychosis are all things it cares deeply about, streamlining the number of hysterical women by weaning them away from the nanny state is the only way to recoup the money lost.

David Cameron said “Let’s be absolutely clear about this. Whilst we want to do all we can to support new mums who have let themselves get in a bit of a mood, we do have to balance the books.

“But, that said, I have spoken to my colleagues in the DfH and we will be finding a more cost-effective way of improving how we help sad women. Like, I don’t know, a free big box of Andrex tissues each time you give birth, or something.

“This is our top health priority, after some other ones.”

 

 

 

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