UK’s longest Stoptober/Octsober attempt

by philapilus

Millions of these litter the streets today

Britain has achieved its most successful October-abstinence ever, after Glenn Piddel from Gloucester made it through to 11AM this morning without smoking or drinking.

As usual, tens of thousands of people promised to join the concurrent campaigns to give up booze and fags for a month, and bullied friends to sponsor them.

And, also as usual, most people failed by October 3rd, which, falling on a Friday this year, saw record amounts of money spent to mark the mass wagon-dismounting.

But truck-driver Glenn Piddel did not have a drink until his local opened this morning, and didn’t have a cigarette until five minutes after he’d bought the first pint.

Speaking to the local paper, Piddel said “I’d like to thank my family and friends for helping me stay strong this long, and raise over £2.75 for charity.

“It’s been an incredibly tough six days, but it was worth it. I’m like a new man.”

Many Gloucestarians have taken to the streets today to celebrate Piddel, lionising him as “the champion October-abstainer of all time”.

But critics say Piddel’s achievement doesn’t count, pointing out that he had been in a coma since September 29th, when he was hit by a Fiat Punto after drunkenly falling off the pavement.

Keeper of the Abstinence Records, Charles Kennedy, said “It’s certainly a tough one. The current record-holder, a Mrs Beverley Smith, is the only Brit ever to have got through the whole month.

“However, many felt she should be disqualified after it turned out she ‘d died during the first week. Her body was only discovered in November because of the smell, by which time the cats had gnawed off most of her left leg. Glenn was at least breathing, if not technically conscious, so he’d probably be a better role model.

“I’ll decide after the next bottle of whiskey. Can you come back in an hour or so?”

 

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