A-level syllabus to include Daily Sport and Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown

by philapilus

Much more important than learning

The new English literature A-level will feature unconventional  set-texts, including Sophie Kinsella’s Confessions of a Shopaholic, the rantings of Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown, and a crumpled page of the Daily Sport that Michael Gove found in a hedge.

A Department for Education spokesman said that “The decision to update the syllabus to reflect contemporary culture is a timely one.

“There is so little in the works of Orwell, Conrad, or Austen that is relevant anymore. Today’s students need a balanced range of reading matter addressing the circumstances of their lives.

“You know; the views of unhinged megalomaniac Russell Brand, lyrics by rapper Disraeli Parcel – who we simply adore in the DfE. And of course a range of vacuous racist and sexist diatribes from Chubby Brown, that encapsulate the level of public discourse in the UK today.”

The DfE says Sophie Kinsella’s ‘Shopaholic’ series will teach young girls their place in society, the importance of shoes for self-esteem, and “Finally put to rest the dangerous ideology of feminism, that has blighted generations of women.”

The syllabus will also feature a module entitled ‘For the Lads’, centred on a creased, semen-tarnished page of the Daily Sport, featuring both “titties and titillating stories”.

Michael Gove said that the new syllabus was “Up to date, relevant, and not confusing, like all the books with long words that made me feel stupid, and my mum said I might have to work in a factory.

“Also, there’s boobies! And an article about something called ‘dogging’! It makes me feel so strange in my pants. But then that’s the power of a good book.”

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