Prime Minister arrives in Scotland with puppy and some kittens

by philapilus

The Scottish families visited by the politicians and their animal chums said “Wuv nae had such gud meeet since the Graet Glasgie rat plague o’ 2012.”

David Cameron, Ed Miliband, and poor little Nick Clegg, arrived in Scotland yesterday with a selection of small, cute animals, with which they hope to emotionally sway the country into staying within the UK.

The last ditch attempt by the two main party leaders and Cameron’s footstool, saw the three men travelling from town to town, holding up their little furry friends, and pleading with the Scots to “Have a heart.” Cameron, holding two kittens in his arms and nuzzling his chin against them said “Pweeease Sco’land, pweeease don’t go! We wuv you!”

His words were echoed by Ed Miliband, who, lifting a little puppy up for the cameras and manipulating its dear little paws so that it looked like it was praying, said “The puppy doesn’t want mummy and daddy to divorce. The puppy is happy to devolve powers to mummy, but wants her to stay in the house. Pweeeeeease?”

No one knows what Nick Clegg did, because they weren’t paying attention.

First Minister Alex Salmond said “Wurr nae wurried at all aboot these tactics, nae at all. Yon Englanders dinnae ken tha’ to influence uz Scots ‘twould be better fir thaim to jus’ torture yon small furries an’ deep fry ’em in batter. Aye, soft Sou’ern shites the lo’ of them.”

But David Cameron responded by playing a recording of George Galloway, in which the Respect MP says “The ‘No’ campaign have given me an enormous amount of money to tell all you Scots to vote Yes. I can’t think why, as obviously the merest suggestion of my handsome, brilliant self, delivered in my mellifluous, wise tone of voice, is enough to make you swoon and do exactly as I say. Very odd.

“So, my indefatigable friends, Big George says Vote Yes. And I know you now all will.”

To which Salmond said “Och shite. Wurr fucked noo, thas fir suuure.”

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