“Great day for prejudice” as Jack the Ripper identified as Jewish foreigner

by philapilus
"No, no, NO! He had a great big hooked nose, fingerless gloves, and those weird twists of pubic hair on either side of his face"

“No, no, NO! He had a great big hooked nose, fingerless gloves, and those weird twists of pubic hair on either side of his face”

Across the UK, bigots, xenophobes and racists (so pretty much everyone) were delighted this week, after the Daily Mail announced new evidence which “proves definitively that Jack the Ripper was a Polish Jew”.

Delighted Ripperologists said it was “finally time to break out the flaming torches and go get them stinking Hebes.”

Tim Twanks, a current Whitechapel resident, said “After more than a century of the liberal curtailing of prejudice, and improved education, it turns out the blindly bigoted, squawking, anti-Semitic British public were right all along

“So now we can throw off the shackles of tolerance and string up the Kikes. Lovely Jubbly.”

The evidence comes from a new book, whose author claims to have “proved definitively and scientifically, with a 100% DNA match, that the Ripper was Aaron Kosminski a snivelling vicious Kike”.”

But whilst people who have studied things like forensic science, history, or even just the Mr Men books, have challenged the ‘evidence’ and urged caution, packs of baying bigots yesterday beat the shit out of anyone who looked a bit Jewish “just to be on the safe side”.

The police issued a warning yesterday, saying “Lynchings and acts of indiscriminate violence on innocent members of the public will not be tolerated. Please make sure your target is an actual Jew before you get out the pliers.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, who has proudly carried on the long traditions of anti-semitism that have served her family well through the last few centuries said “If only my old Grandpappy’s daddy was still around. My Grandpappy said the old man was screaming ‘It was a fackin’ Jew! Kill all them fackin’ Jews!’ right up until his heart attack.

“He’d be so proud.”

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