Britain “Completely fine with austerity if it means we’re like Downton”

by philapilus

“I will work for free if you let me touch the building – even if its only the outside”

Frances O’Grady’s attempt to rouse the British masses against rising inequality has backfired, after the TUC leader warned Britain was becoming like Downton Abbey – at which point the whole country said “Well that’s all right then!”

Unemployed builder Tim Twanks said “I’ve been fucking mad about the social unfairness and the divide between rich and poor since I lost my job. But I hadn’t twigged it was all just like it is in Downton. Now I feel quite upbeat about the whole thing.

“My daily financial misery is now filtered through a rosy nostalgia, that makes me feel all warm inside.”

Wendy Nailinthehead, a cleaner from Swindon who has seen her real wages fall by 20% over the last four years, said “Yes my employer earns 200 times more than me, and yes I feed my kids with scraps I find in his bins.

“But as long as he lives in a big house, and I get to walk round in a pinny calling everyone ‘Sir’ and curtseying, I can honestly say that my wildest dreams have come true.”

Ms O’Grady said that, in retrospect, invoking insanely popular TV series Downton Abbey was “A mistake” adding “I had forgotten that that pile of sentimental historical wank is essentially the key to the nation’s heart.

“People now think it’s classy to work for three shillings a week, and to die of tuberculosis before they’re 25.

“They also love being spanked raw by sexually repressed butlers, but that’s nothing to do with Downton, it’s just something I found on the internet when I was bored.”

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