The thought of that beautiful smile being wiped off his face is more than we lowly commoners can bear…
Bravely stood the proud and noble man; erect, full of purpose, indefatigable as a Persian dictator, though with the moral complexion of a Saint, astride the London streets like a mighty colossus, blessing common people, as was his wont.
But even his great mind was unable to foresee what was coming; a savage beating at the hands of a maniac.
You will be distraught, I know, to hear that this brutally set-upon genius was not some remote ivory-tower intellectual, but one who is familiar to you, who walks humbly amongst you, bestowing wisdom, advice and aid to all.
Yes my friends, it was I.
I leave that statement to stand alone, knowing the enormity of the shock it will unleash. “Not George!” your hearts cry. Or “Not Mr Galloway!”, for those amongst you with a sense of humility and propriety.
Now, I am never one to put myself forward, but the assault upon my person by this brawler – a dastardly enemy of freedom, worse than Osama bin Laden, Bush, or even Christopher Hitchens – brings to mind the sufferings of the saints.
Those heroes of old are remembered for their violent martyrdom at the hands of vicious men. And my slightly bruised – yet still handsome – face, marks me as one of their number. Perhaps even the greatest martyr, for I must live on with my suffering, putting witch-hazel on the bump for several more days.
Maybe even three or four.
Yet Judases amongst you claim my forthright views made me a target, even – hush their libellous mouths! – that my calling for a complete boycott of Israel was a “typically self-serving publicity stunt, inappropriately stirring up community conflict”.
There are even those – surprisingly many, in fact – who have said “Free speech should never be suppressed, but then; Galloway is a massive arse, a belligerent, egotistical wanker, who gets off at the sound of his own voice.”
“Scandal! Blasphemy!” the faithful rightly cry on my behalf, and I thank you friends.
That’s what you’re thinking, friends. Well, I assume so. No one has actually said it yet. Indeed, you must all still be in shock, for I note not one ‘With Sympathy’ or ‘Get Well Soon’ card has arrived.
No doubt you are in mourning, and the tributes will flood in soon enough. I do urge you to do it soon though, friends, whilst I have some down-time, as I am expecting hundreds of thousands of tributes and letters pretty much any moment now. And please don’t be shy; I will deign to read your offerings. So really, do send them. I have rented a barn specially, to store them in.
Any time now is fine.
Your teacher, idol, and Leader of the Free World in-waiting
GEORGE GALLOWAY
articulatedsheep
philapilus
unpseudable