Global conflict threatens to divert attention from ‘Baked Alaskagate’

by philapilus

“It’s time to stop waving the chocolate finger of blame and come to the table together, to break bread and make peas”

As the international community steps up its criticism of “Russian cooks interfering in the Ukraine broth”, fears are growing at home that the public is being distracted from Wednesday’s Great British Bake Off fallout.

The GBBO Baked Alaska debacle was recognised immediately as a global crisis. But it has subsequently been overshadowed in UK news by trifling headlines about tasty morsels like the mouthwatering Ukraine crisis, the delicious Ebola outbreak, and the succulent Islamic State being served in Iraq and Syria.

On Wednesday, contestant Diana Beard briefly annexed the freezer, displacing Iain Watter’s ice cream, an act which some experts suggest could have led to the structural failure of his Baked Alaska.

Watter subsequently annihilated the dish, leading to immediate sanctions and the barring of Watter from any further participation in GBBO affairs.

But, despite fickle news organs ceasing to report on the pudding, in favour of lighter stories, the initial crisis has deepened considerably.

Beard insisted today that the GBBO was waging “A propaganda campaign” against her, and pointed to the absence of objective proof that she had been “directly involved in any way in the catastrophe.”

She added “The so-called ‘Baked Alaskagate’ had nothing to do with me, but it is a serious diplomatic incident, for which Iain himself must shoulder the blame. He launched an assault against his own dish, and his expulsion from the GBBO was the right result.”

Iain however blamed Beard, claiming she had “Deliberately sabotaged my supplies, and threatened the sovereignty of my dish.”

Veteran diplomat Mary Berry has called for calm, and asked both sides to refrain from further escalation. “They need to leave it to our impartial jurisdiction now. We’ll see that everyone gets their just desserts.”

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