Archive for August 13th, 2014

August 13, 2014

Buying monkey-picked tea ‘ultimate sign’ of twattishness

by philapilus

There’s nothing people won’t try and force monkeys to do – some folks even use them as ‘side-boob protectors’

Purchasing tea which the packaging claims was picked by monkeys has been revealed as clinching proof that you are a total arse, it was revealed today.

The tea-leaves – which some say are hand-picked by monkeys and others claim just have a fancy title – are sold at a premium considered appropriate “For fleecing morons”, says the Food Standards Agency.

The FSA study found that most purchases of monkey-picked tea are actually gifts, “which are intended to impress upon the

read more »

Advertisements
August 13, 2014

World shortage of sympathy follows Hollywood deaths

by philapilus
File:Lauren bacall promo photo.jpg

Could act and was in films that weren’t about giant robots or anthropomorphic karate-practising turtles…

The relatively small amounts of sympathy, empathy and grief that the world is capable of have been massively eroded this week, according to experts.

The deaths of manic comedian Robin Williams and brilliant actress Lauren Bacall, have seen people all over the world using up their entire annual ration of care in just two days.

Celebrity death analyser, Marty Beebender, said “Everyone loved Robin Williams, he was amazing. Well, actually, to be quite honest I didn’t love him. He made a couple of good things and then loads of shit. But he’s dead, and so now we all think he was a genius and

read more »