Scots to keep pound but not spend it

by philapilus

Youse cannae ha’it bak, yon thievin’ tyrant that ye are!

A recent survey has found that over 90% of Scots agree with Alex Salmond that Scotland should keep the pound, as well as all the smaller denomination coinage and banknotes, in “A tightly clenched fist or easy to hide purse.”

The poll adds to the already substantial evidence that Scotland has no intention of handing over any of its money, for anything, and is intending to continue standing at the bar cadging drinks off everyone else whilst pretending to be broke indefinitely.

Alistair Darling, chairman of the Better Together campaign, said “Knowing that Scotland is about as likely to part with money as France is to stop having sex, we are pushing this whole ‘You can’t keep the pound’ thing as hard as we can.

“Mr Salmond may think its endemic hatred of the English is enough to prise Scotland out of the union.

“But he hasn’t reckoned with the parsimonious, miserly population of his own country, who would rather sacrifice their children than countenance any sentence including the words ‘give up’ and ‘money’.”

Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond, called England’s threat to withdraw the pound, and exclude Scotland from the Bank of England emotional blackmail.

Salmond held a press conference this morning, to which he hitch-hiked wearing a nearly new suit, and said “Yon Inglish’ll nae tak the pund, nae hweel Ahm heer! Noo; hoos gon’ tae gi’ me a quid tae get home on tha bus? Ah kin pay youse bak soon, mebbe.”

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