US trying to reanimate Saddam

by philapilus

In the hierarchy of American foreign policy options, creating a Frankenstein’s Monster traditionally sits somewhere between drone-strikes and the deployment of the entire US armed forces for an indefinite period of time.

President Obama has authorised the Pentagon’s medical science divisions to attempt a radical new procedure that it is hoped will bring the corpse of Saddam Hussein back from the dead.

The US has intervened in Iraq for decades, using sanctions, military occupation, drone strikes, political strong-arming, and even flooding the country with porn and jam – all without success.

The President held a press conference and announced that it was “Now time for a different approach.

“In line with our long-held policy of not really having a strategy and making it up as we go along, we are going to try yet another really ‘out there’ idea.

“You know how this particular religious catastrophe in Iraq wasn’t happening when Saddam was president? Well, I thought; let’s bring him back! Good eh?

“That’s OK isn’t it? I mean, there was no downside to his iron rule was there? I forget.”

Stunned journalists raised a barrage of questions, asking how “bringing a completely ruthless dictator back from the dead could possibly help solve a situation in which insane, brutal cunts are murdering one another over medieval make-believe?”

Obama put on a statesmanlike face and recited verses 3-17 from the Little Book of Presidential Platitudes.

An exasperated reporter asked “Mr President, rather than create some sort of Frankenstein-Hussein to terrorise the country, wouldn’t it be better if you ploughed money and resources into coming up with a viable, well thought out long-term plan?”

The US president stared into the distance for some minutes, frowning in concentration whilst his lips worked silently, then finally he said “P-lan? Plan? No, no sorry, doesn’t ring any bells.

For some reason prayer isn’t helping to fix this religious conflict…

“What’s one of those then?”

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