Iraq: followers of Christopher Hitchens flee, as Dennet’s supporters take Qaraqosh

by philapilus

After his death many of Hitch’s followers interpreted his death-rattle as an incitement to terrible Jihad against the Dawkinsist minority.

The crisis in Iraq moved one step further to full-scale civil war yesterday, after thousands of Hitchensites fled from the ruthless Daniel Dennettian militants.

UN experts said that up to a quarter of the country’s Hitchensites were in flight, after Qaraqosh was captured yesterday.

Iraqi Dennettians have unleashed a wave of violence, in their war to secure a pan-Middle Eastern state founded on the principles of Daniel Dennett.

But whilst many devout followers of the Hitch are trying to escape the violence, others have formed into militias, and enacted reprisals upon civilians and officials they believe are linked to the “infidel Dennies”.

Many religious people in the West find the ancient enmity between these secularist groups extremely hard to understand, but none can question that the enmity has brought the country to the brink of self-destruction

Middle East expert Reverend William Stroker said “Although the theological distinctions between these groups can be subtle and confusing to the layman, the essential difference of opinion lies in whether individual secularists find themselves drawn to a fusty-looking logician, or a dissolute firebrand.

“I’m oversimplifying, but essentially Dennettians hold to the trinitarian doctrine of Baldness, Beardiness, and Boringness, whilst Hitchensites prefer a radical, cavalier approach of womanising, drinking and intellectual brawling.

“There are actually many similarities between them too. Both groups believe in the need for public lecture tours, both believe in prolific sales of books saying the same thing over and over, and both suffer from severe egotism.

“But as always happens with secularism, unifying similarities are never able to counterbalance the innate desire to destroy anyone of a different antitheistic creed.”

Rationalist Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “Yes, many atheists are insufferable dicks, and are nowhere near as clever as they think. But then, we don’t insist women are inferior, don’t mutilate the genitals of babies, and tend, on the whole (Iraq aside) not to execute one another and go round saying it was a moral duty.

“Which almost makes up for our constant air of smug self-satisfaction.”



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