Archive for August 7th, 2014

August 7, 2014

Iraq: followers of Christopher Hitchens flee, as Dennet’s supporters take Qaraqosh

by philapilus

After his death many of Hitch’s followers interpreted his death-rattle as an incitement to terrible Jihad against the Dawkinsist minority.

The crisis in Iraq moved one step further to full-scale civil war yesterday, after thousands of Hitchensites fled from the ruthless Daniel Dennettian militants.

UN experts said that up to a quarter of the country’s Hitchensites were in flight, after Qaraqosh was captured yesterday.

Iraqi Dennettians have unleashed a wave of violence, in their war to secure a pan-Middle Eastern state founded on the principles of Daniel Dennett.

But whilst many devout followers of the Hitch are

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August 7, 2014

Boris to eat dinner

by philapilus

The dinner revelations have not helped anyone solve the impossible conundrum over whether or not BoJo will return to the mainstream of British politics or make a leadership challenge

The UK’s media buzzed with unprecedented excitement this morning, after months of speculation finally ended with the confirmation that Boris Johnson will eat some food later.

Although it had long been said that Boris would very obviously eat dinner tonight, the coy Mayor of London had avoided giving away any clues one way or the other, leading to a storm of gossip and rumour.

Political analyst Mike Ock said “Of course, we did expect Mr Johnson would do this very unsurprising thing, and, by the same token, we imagined that

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August 7, 2014

Brits ‘now too stupid to sleep’

by philapilus

“This just helps me make sure I don’t miss anything on my iPad”

A new study by Ofcom has found that adults in the UK no longer know how to switch off electronic devices and close their eyes for a bit.

The report found that more time is spent using technology than sleeping, which experts have labelled “Unbelievably fucking stupid”.

Mike Ock, High-tech Thingy Researcher for Ofcom said “I am typing this on my 4G phone. I haven’t switched it off or closed my eyes in five weeks.

“I keep seeing things that

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