Israeli-Palestinian truce brokered to piss off Baroness Warsi

by philapilus

Principled (well, for a given value of ‘principled’)

A fragile ceasefire has begun between the Israeli armed forces and Hamas, after both sides agreed it would be “an excellent way of making Lady Warsi look like a dick”.

Baronness Warsi resigned as a Foreign Office minister this morning, in protest at the government’s ‘let’s just pretend it isn’t happening’ policy on Gaza.

Israel and Palestine issued a joint statement shortly afterwards, which said “Whilst we love nothing better than murdering each other until the corpses fill the streets, we are going to put this on hold for a little bit, just to make Warsi look like a total idiot for resigning just as things are getting better.

“It’s nothing business-like, it’s purely personal. She’s a pillock.”

Tory supporters of Lady Warsi have pointed out, however, that the government still hasn’t got a clue what to do in the Middle East, so maybe her resignation could still mean something.

But Labour countered “Before now she has failed to disclose rental income, infringed the ministerial code, basically said that BNP supporters had it right, and is anti-immigration – despite coming from an immigrant family.

“Oh yes, and she vocally opposed gay rights, and whittered on about how not being horrid to gay people led to the corruption of children in schools. Which is generally clinching proof that someone has their head so far up their arse they can use their belly-button as a peephole.

“So for her suddenly to stand – or rather step down – on principle is a bit fucking rich.”

Israel and Palestine said that the entire British political spectrum was universally shit, but that they hoped Baronness Warsi would be out of the picture soon, because they couldn’t wait to go back to ripping each other’s children apart over an ancient disagreement on who had the best make-believe friends.

 

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: