Ecclestone clears his name over bribe charges with massive bribe

by philapilus

Mr Ecclestone has been the boss of Formula 1 racing for years, and is worth over $4bn

Bernie Ecclestone today definitively cleared himself from the boggy mire of accusations of financial bribery, using a massive financial bribe.

Ecclestone, who was being prosecuted in a German court, was able to end the bribery trial, through the application of a very large amount of money.

The F1 boss’s legal team, from the Yewlby, Buggerd, Shatton & Pisston partnership, said “No one may accuse Mr Ecclestone of bribery now, without facing possible prosecution for libel, because he has NOT been found guilty of bribery.

“And there we were, working away for months on end on a legal defence; to think all it took was a whopping bribe and now he’s off the hook! This should happen more often.”

The Bavarian prosecution team, headed by Hans Onmycok, issued a statement, saying “It is entirely legal for Mr Ecclestone to give us £60m instead of being found guilty and serving a potential decade of prison.

“How the fuck is that possible? We don’t know. But basically, this means our job is pretty much pointless, unless we prosecute the poor.

“Therefore we have substantially revise our caseload, and will now be going after the real wrongdoers in our society; people who sleep rough.”

Mr Ecclestone was said to be jubilant as he left the court, and proceeded to shoot several passersby with an elephant gun, before dropping a small bag of Euros into a policeman’s pocket and driving away.

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