Gymnastics gold for ‘surprised’ Major

by philapilus

It would be easier to list the medals he *hasn’t* won yet

John Major said he was “surprised but delighted” with his victory yesterday in the men’s all-around gymnastics, at the 2014 Commonwealth games.

The former British prime minister said this morning “It is a huge honour, and of course I am overjoyed, but I do feel that really it was a bit of a fluke. The younger gymnasts are just on another level these days, and any one of them could have won.

“Plus my tie kept flopping in my face every time I swung upside-down or did a handstand. But the judges seemed to have liked my performance, and I am really very chuffed.”

The man who fans call ‘Modest Major’ heartily congratulated the silver and bronze medallists, and graciously insisted that on any other day, he felt sure they could have trounced him.

Max Whitlock, who took home the silver medal, said “John is just a really great athlete, and a total gent. He is so deferential, but really he was excellent and fully deserved the gold.

“No one is better on the parallel bars, and his pommel-horsing is magnificent. They say he learnt to move around the solid wooden block with its leather skin during his affair with Edwina Curry, but he’s never confirmed or denied it.

“Either way, he did the whole thing this year in a suit and brogues again, and that really takes some skill.”

Major adds yet another gold to his trophy cabinet, to go with the dozen or so previous Olympic and Commonwealth medals he has won.

BBC sports journalist Clare Balding said “John Major is a dead cert for sports personality of the year, having also just won the 101st Tour de France – a first for a former British prime minister.

“If he retains his boxing middleweight world champion title against Tony Blair next week, he’ll be the most successful Conservative sportsman since Andrew Bonar Law.”


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